Managing Your Own Reactivity

Owning What You Can Own

It would be nice if our partner were able to give us feedback in a vulnerable, compassionate way, but it is unrealistic to expect this 100% of the time.

This being said, there are things we can do, as the receiver of the frustrated feedback, to help stop the cycle of retraumatization that we perpetuate each time we trigger each other.

And these can be done regardless of whether or not our partner is able to deliver their feedback in a nice way. 

Listen as Ryan and Slade discuss a practice that is essential to creating long-term viable relationships: the practice of hearing what your partner is saying in their frustration, anger, or shortness, and of slowing down enough to answer, is there some truth in what they’re saying?

SHOW NOTES

03:00 – Slade describes a recent experience receiving feedback at home.

07:49 – Managing one’s own reactivity: Own what you can own.

11:40 – Acknowledging your partner’s feelings regardless of your own.

13:02 – Creating a cycle of generosity.

14:57 – The critical importance of authenticity in apologies.

17:13 – Apologizing without blame helps your partner soften, too.

18:41 – Own your part without waiting for, or expecting, them to join in.

20:11 – FTT: Finding The Truth.

21:07 – Make failure a comfortable word.

21:50 – Acknowledging and accepting all the voices within you.

23:40 – Vocalizing what you heard your partner say.

28:10 – Prepare for the fact that you might not get the response you want.

29:41 – This process is not one-size-fits-all.