Secure Functioning Agreements

Today we’re going to talk about a tool that might sound boring, but actually has the power to change your relationship forever. In dramatic, exciting ways.

Yes, of course we’re talking about the “Secure Functioning Agreement”, or the agreement couples should have as part of a healthy relationship.

These agreements can be small – “When we spend time at your parents’ house, you will look to me for cues that I’m uncomfortable and want to leave.” Or they can be massive – “We both understand what an emotional affair is, and we do not nurture inappropriate connections with others.”

Secure functioning agreements were derived from one of our favorite speakers, teachers and authors, Stan Tatkin. He is the creator of PACT, the psychobiological approach to couples therapy. Stan is the author of Wired for Love - make sure you read this book because it is transformative.

Listen to this episode to learn what agreements are in your relationship, why you need them and how to practice!

SHOW NOTES

03:20 – Why you need secure functioning agreements

04:21 – Relationships and your nervous system

07:00 – Relationships versus our own autonomy and independence

07:30 – The first agreement you should make in a partnership

15:15 – When you don’t have agreements

22:30 – Practice having agreements