Helping Your Partner When They’re Triggered

Working Through Emotional Moments with Empathy, Not Defense

When your partner feels triggered, you may find their emotional outbursts cause you to feel triggered, too. This is a common issue in relationships, and it can become a difficult cycle wherein your frustrations only serve to frustrate your partner further, and vice versa. 

A common question we get from men is, how can I help my partner in those moments, without succumbing to my own frustrations and emotional triggers? How can I put my own needs aside in the moment, and instead help them work through what’s bothering them?

In this episode of the Crux, Ryan and Slade discuss some tools you can use to help individually turn the tide of these emotionally-charged moments, shifting them towards mutual understanding and connection rather than towards resentment.

SHOW NOTES

00:00 – Breaking the “Trigger Cycle”: Choosing not to fight fire with fire

02:30 – The natural tendency towards defense 

04:18 – Your generosity comes back around: Finding a “Total Maturity Moment”

06:42 – Step 1: Noticing patterns and deciding not to act

08:31 – Step 2: Making space for the most mature version of you to come forth

10:18 – Step 3: Showing your partner that you are a friend

12:53 – Ryan shares a personal story about employing this method in his own relationship

16:01 – Slade shares his perspective on his own relationship

17:09 – Learning comes with experimentation: Slow down and be available

19:23 – Relationship work drives your own growth