Finding Her Antidote

On mitigating each other’s trauma responses in conflict

Periodically, in coupledom, you’re going to do something—or not do something—that elicits a threat response or inflammatory reaction of some kind in your partner. 

The problem is, most people don't know how to effectively handle that response. At that moment, it can seem like a gross overreaction. But you may start to realize that this same response comes up over and over again, and it is actually due to a mixture of unique experiences, traumas, and needs that your partner has faced at various points in their life. 

In working with hundreds of couples over the years, we’ve seen that most people have individual “antidotes”, certain approaches to conflict that can help soothe their frustrations and emotional responses better than others.

In this episode of The Crux, Ryan and Slade dive into the different types of antidotes people can have, and how to effectively implement them to ensure greater empathic communication between both parties.

Listen to learn more!

SHOW NOTES

00:00 – Ryan and Slade introduce what a partner’s “antidote” means

02:26 – Why our emotional responses are disproportionate to our partner’s feedback

05:06 – Do you want to be right or do you want to be connected?

05:41 – Conceptualizing your partner’s trauma wounds

09:00 – You have to know your partner’s history to understand where they’re coming from

11:30 – Methods of delivering the antidote

15:45 – The importance of slowing down to ensure authenticity

20:08 – Conscious empathic communication requires trial and error

21:30 – Steps to implement this in your own relationship